You Have Problems Weaselkun
by Luna-Rinanoku
Summary: Itachi is stoic and cruel as we all know but what happens when lover over-powers him, he feels this immense urge to take the girl he has laid his eyes on as his: Kakuzu's sister, Akatsuki and he has to fight for what he believes is right?


All the same, always the same all romance movies obviously because no matter what matters occur in the movie they always end up falling in love so if you know what's going to happen why watch it? That is exactly why I watch anime many, many varieties of anime at that. There's Bleach, Trigun, Fruits Basket, Kingdom Hearts, Ouran High School Host Club and so on but I especially watch... Naruto! It is my favourite anime and I have watched every episode of it. Anime is my most cherished thing in life everything else is just a disgrace to my parents: they of course do not know I watch anime because if they did they would demand to know how and when I would tell them they would beat me and send me away. I was planning to run away tonight I don't know where but I just wanted to get away from this evil place. I have bruises all over my body and my arm is broken.

I packed my bags getting ready to take my leave to somewhere far from here: this place of evil and sorrow would soon be banished from my life. I carefully slung my back-pack and duffle bag over my shoulder and slowly slid open my window. It was cold out tonight maybe about -5 very cold but yet I was just fine without a jacket my body heat flamed as I stepped out of my window. It felt like summer for me at this time of year I was always so warm and this was another reason why I got beat because my parents envied how warm I was in the winter time and they were all so terribly cold. I walked along the lonely streets of Kita Yakusa this was the town where no beautiful girl wanted to walk alone at night because our streets lingered with thieves, robbers and rapists. I wasn't afraid because all these criminals know damn straight not to fight me because they'd end up dead like all the other criminals that have attempted to rob or rape me. They were actually very friendly to me it is actually very surprising. I continued to walk until I saw a silver flash of light down an alley way I was crossing by. I walked down the alley normally tightly grasping my slashed Leaf Village Headband that was tightly tied around my mouth while walking towards the odd silver flashing light at the other side of the alley way. I made it to the flashing light that was right in front of me: I slowly reached out to touch it while being awfully cautious. Just as I was about to touch it I had a strange feeling then I was zapped. Everything was black and I could see pictures of odd figures and odd looking people: I looked down at my hands and noticed that they were slowly morphing into more comical looking ones. I grasped my hair and noticed it was electric blue and I had a slashed headband on my mouth with a thunder symbol on it.

Everything was white and I was falling from the sky and slowly falling into oblivion: I was forgetting everything I knew about anime and now I didn't even know what it was anymore it was all slowly fading away, escaping from my memories.

~~~~~~~~~~~Itachi~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was falling from the sky like a dead bird: she had blue hair, electric blue hair and a slashed Waterfall Village headband.

Kisame- Hey Itachi what is that?

Me- It's obviously a girl Kisame.

Kisame- It looks like a dead bird to me.

Before I could sigh the girl landed on my head: her stomach messing up my hair and her face was inches away from mine. Her eyes held the Sharingan but it wasn't normal it had the swirling symbol but it had glowing, hypnotizing, rotating rings inside of it and outside. It was like a mix of the Sharingan and the Rinnegan. Then something pushed me which caused my lips to attach on to hers: she didn't kiss me and neither did I kiss her, her eyes just bore into mine with a deadly glare.

Kisame- Itachi I'm so sor- WHAT THE FUCK?

I just ignored him as my lips were still attached to this girl's: she kissed me for a second then stopped while slowly parting her lips from mine. She took a deep breath and sighed.

Girl- My name is Akatsuki and I assume your name is Itachi? And that big fishy behind us is Nemo?

Kisame- HEY! I'm a shark not a fish! And my name is Kisame not Nemo!

Akatsuki- So you're a shark ok that proves my point even more sharks are fish which means you are a big fish.

So her name was Akatsuki what a coincidence I wonder if she's an S-ranked criminal. I kept thinking of all the possibilities while Kisame babbled on and on about how he was a shark and not a fish until I noticed that the girl had passed out on top of my head. She truly was beautiful even in sleep: those purple rims in her eyes shone through her eyelids and it made it look like another set of eyes over top of her real ones. I sighed and gently pulled her off my head and carried her in my arms bridal style.

Me – Kisame let's go our mission's done and I want to take this girl back to base with us.

Kisame – Ooooo. Why? Are you developing a little crush on our little blue birdie?

Me - *anger vein appears* No. Never, Uchiha's never show emotion.

Kisame – That doesn't mean that they can't feel emotions!

Me - *sweat drops*

We both walked back to base talking occasionally about what Leader-sama might say when we get back and about what'll happen if he says she can stay and where she'll stay. When we were almost back to base I caught myself staring at her breasts, I blushed slightly as I started to think of what she would look like without her tank top on. Her chest must be at least 36 inches around, total over-bust: she was very beautiful in my opinion and I couldn't keep my eyes off her she gave me these odd feelings like butterflies in my stomach threatening to burst out any second or like knots forming within my intestines and mostly when I thought about her or pictured her face in my mind, my face got hot.

Kisame – Hey Itachi, I never thought of you as the pervert type hmm?

Me – W-what? I-I am n-not a pervert!

Kisame – Stuttering my dear friend? This isn't like you! And yes you are a pervert I watched you the whole time you were staring at her boobs!

Me – I wasn't!

Kisame – Mhmm.

I pouted a bit then got back to staring at Akatsuki's face: her face was morphing colours and so was her hair. Her skin turned a sort of cappuccino colour and her hair turned a comfy brown and she had some kind of stitches attached to the corners of her mouth: now she looked like Kakuzu but she was still beautiful in a Kakuzu like way ^W^

Kisame – Ok we're back at base now Itachi and why the fuck does she look like a feminine version of Kakuzu?

Me – I don't know. She just kind of morphed just now.

Kisame – Ok whatever.

Kisame did the hand signs to lift the boulder that made a door to the hideout but the boulder didn't lift. I sweat dropped and sighed.

Me – You idiot, you should practice the technique more often than obsess with Samehada.

Kisame – SHUT UP WEASEL!

I popped an anger vein and secured Akatsuki's bags on my shoulder.

Me – Hold the girl while I lift up the boulder will you Kisame?

Kisame – Yea whatever.

I carefully placed Akatsuki in his arms and he held her as best as he could, when he held her it seemed like he was holding something fragile like glass: he held her like a new born baby it was sort of amusing.

Me – Replace her with a baby and it would look more proper. Yup replace her with a shark baby and you'd look just fine!

Kisame – Oh um thanks I guess.

I did the hand signs and the boulder raised all the way and Kisame just sweat dropped. We both walked trough and I used my fire jutsu to light our way through the cave. The sound of the little bells on our bamboo hats were the only sounds though out the cave other than all of our steady breathing.

Kisame – U-um Itachi it I mean she's staring at me and it's scary.

Me – What?

I stared at Akatsuki and indeed she was staring at Kisame in a rather frightening way it was like a death glare with no emotion.

Akatsuki – Did my big sushi get drenched in blue food colouring or is he just abnormal?

Kisame – I am not sushi!

Akatsuki – Oh reeeeally? Then what are you Mr. Fishy?

Before Kisame could protest we reached the end of the cave and I released my fire jutsu. There finally at last was the Akatsuki mansion.

Akatsuki - This place must have cost a lot of money. I would never spend this much money on a mansion.

Kisame – *sweat drops* you are just like Kakuzu.

Akatsuki – My brother? He's here? I wanna go see him let's go!

With that she sprung right out of Kisame's arms with a wide grin on her face: it was amazing she was in front of Kisame one second and the next she was yelling Kakuzu's name while running through the front door. Me and Kisame both sweat dropped and quickly followed after her. As soon as we entered the mansion we came in to see shocked faces and some were just like WTF? Also we heard a couple of these.

Deidara – WHOA UN! KAKUZU TURNED INTO A SEXY WOMAN YEAH!

Or.

Hidan – WHOA! MY PARTNER TURNED INTO A HOT PIECE OF ASS!

And.

Tobi - Wow! Tobi never knew Kakuzu-san was a transvestite!

And for last.

Kakuzu – Dammit! I did not turn into a sexy woman or a hot piece of ass! AND I AM NOT A TRANSVESTITE!

Kisame and I – Oh shit!

We ran into the house as fast as we could while knocking people out of the way while yelling for Akatsuki but putting "chan" at the end of it. We ran and ran until we finally saw Kakuzu about to slit Hidan's throat with a kunai but he had Akatsuki hugging him from behind and this was the first time Kisame and I saw Kakuzu surprised.

Akatsuki – Mmm. I missed you Kuzu-nii-san.

She had a firm grip on Kakuzu and she was stuffing her face in between Kakuzu's shoulder blades. Kakuzu dropped the kunai and it was like I could hear his heart pounding in his chest.

Kakuzu – Aka-aka-aka-chan?

Akatsuki smiled as Kakuzu turned around while she was still hugging him and looked down at her.

Akatsuki – Kuzu-nii-san.

This is when all of us because by then all the members were gathered to our location, all of us were utterly shocked. Kakuzu started to cry and so did Akatsuki: that was until Tobi the orange lollipop had to just ruin the beautiful moment.

Tobi – So does this mean that Kakuzu-san has a twin brother that is a transvestite?

Nobody answered we just looked at the reactions coming from both of the mocha coloured skinned siblings: a dark aroma surrounded them and both of their hands balled into tight fists and both of their chakras flared like a raging forest fire that couldn't be tamed. Then they both jumped aiming at Tobi from both sides and he screamed in fear: the shocking part was that they actually got a hit on Tobi's mask and they broke it. The pieces crumbled on the ground and before we could all see his face he was gone. He must've dashed to his room or something: we all stared at the siblings as they both still raged with anger and frustration. Then Pein entered inside of the room.

Pein – Whose chakras just flared like that just now and who is that sexy—I mean who is that girl?

We all chuckled at how Pein was about to call Akatsuki a sexy woman: we looked to the siblings and I now only noticed that Akatsuki's mood had lightened up I think she might be slightly bipolar. Akatsuki had a huge grin on her face that was slightly abnormal because her smile literally stretched from ear to ear and you could see it through her stitches: she did the same flash step thing that she did before towards Pein. She was centimetres away from his face and it looked like she was going to kiss him.

Akatsuki – I'm Akatsuki. Kakuzu's older sister.

Her breath caressed his face and for the first time Pein blushed: all of us had a WTF? Face on with are jaws hanging open.

Akatsuki – And I was wondering if I could join the Akatsuki and be Weasel-kun's partner along with Sushi-kun ^W^

Kisame popped and anger vein and his left eyebrow twitched while I just stared at her blankly, waiting to hear Pein's answer.

Pein – U-um sure! As long a-as you d-don't interfere wi-with m-my plans f-for th-the future.

Akatsuki – Ok! Thank you Carrot Top-kun!

And with that she kissed his cheek and flash stepped in-between me and Kisame: she was only a few inches maybe two inches shorter than Kisame which was pretty tall for a woman and that meant that she was the same height as me. We all cleared the area where we were and headed to our rooms but Akatsuki didn't follow us because she seemed pretty interested in where Hidan was going: but it seemed she was sneaking to where she was going because her chakra was completely hidden and I couldn't smell her. Then she quickly snatched Hidan's scythe from his back but she stayed behind him and stared at the ceremonial weapon in interest as Hidan quickly turned around getting ready to attack her but she started to speak.

Akatsuki – Sexy-kun? Can I try the scythe on you since you're immortal?

Hidan was brought back that she was the first person to call him sexy.

Hidan – Oh sure! And my name's Hidan but you can keep calling me Sexy-kun if you want!

She nodded but instead of stabbing Hidan she stabbed herself in the thigh and she watched her blood drip to the ground. When there was a good amount of blood on the ground she made that Jashin symbol that Hidan always makes when he's fighting someone around her: she then stabbed Hidan well not stabbed she scraped him enough to draw blood (she scraped his lip by the way). Then she seductively licked the blood from the scythe: her skin started to turn into a black and white skeletal pattern but it was different from Hidan's because her's was a swirly cooler pattern. While she was watching her skin morph she cut off her head and I heard Kisame about to puke but before her head dropped to the ground she caught it but Hidan just let his fall to the ground and his eyes just stared at her in amazement. When Hidan's head hit the ground she stepped out of the religious symbol on the floor and re-attached her head just like Kakuzu would do with Hidan and the swirly skeletal pattern disappeared and she picked up Hidan's head with one hand and inspected it like it was a fossil: she picked up his body with her other arm without looking.

Hidan – You worship Jashin-sama too?

Akatsuki – Yea.


End file.
